This is the first time I'm telling my story and its message is so strong that I'm sure it has something by my friends at the seminar. When I was nine years old I started stuttering. I think it was because of pressure in the house and a small trauma I had experienced (not important).

The result was that my stutter just became worse from day to day. My parents, who didn't really know how to deal with this, tried to persuade me to stop stuttering. At first they were angry with me, "What happened to you? Is it so difficult for you to speak?" Afterwards they started shouting at me. They didn't do this out of cruelness, rather out of fear and stress, which just made my stutter worse and worse. They consulted with a professional doctor who advised them to leave me alone so it shouldn’t get worse, but the damage had already been done.

When I reached high school, I learned to divide between the more patient girls to the less patient ones. I understood that having a conversation with me was not an easy task, which to my distress, most people did not stand for. Usually they would indicate me: "Nu, nu, finish the sentence already". The more gentle ones didn't know that the tension on their face was shouting, "Nu… nu, I'm listening, speak already… "

It's a shame I can't describe in writing the faces of the people when they speak with someone stuttering. They tilt their head forward, nodding, "yes… yes… yes…". At a certain point they purse their lips and think to themselves: "When is this annoying person going to finish the sentence and why did I make this mistake of walking by her?".

There were some rare girls who were decent. They would listen to me patiently, sympathetically, they didn't look at me tensely to show they didn't have time and I should finish already. They didn't indicate with their hands, "Get on with it already, hurry up". They treated my defect with understanding and I felt calm talking with them. In these situations I would stutter less, as can be understood.

I finished my studies and begun looking for work. I chose the idea of computer graphics. Sitting next to a computer is the easiest thing for me to do - without a lot of talking. But then I noticed that people were frightened to accept me for a job. I would arrive at the interview. The boss would ask me my name and immediately ask again. The minute he realized my problem, I could already discern the expression on his face, as if he would say to himself, "Where did she come from? What do I do now with this stuttering girl, how did I get myself into this?!"

Usually, they would just ask a few questions and say, "Thank you, we'll think about it and give you an answer".

After a few interviews, I found myself once again in front of an open pit. I had no job and there was almost no chance of finding a job. What do I do? After a whole year that I had invested all my savings to learn a profession that doesn't need a lot of talking… nothing, it just wasn't going… I almost gave up.

But I gathered my courage and returned to the work interviews and to the disappointments.

If I thought I had chosen a job that doesn't involve talking and answering phone calls then I would be accepted easily, it became clear to me that I had obviously been mistaken. People simple didn't want to deal with a stutterer and wait a few seconds to receive an answer. In short, I went through a terrible period…

I would pray to G-d and cry, where will my help come from?

It was at this stage that I arrived to the seminar for the first time. I got to know it, I listened and I enjoyed it… I hardly spoke and always sat to the side… I know everyone thought I was a snob and a show-off, and it really hurt me. The wonderful house-mother called me, and I simply kept quiet (I was afraid to go through this nightmare of stuttering also in the seminar).

The house-mother was confused by my silence, then I burst out crying. She hugged me and cried with me, without knowing the reason of my crying. She encouraged me and handed me her cell phone number. We arranged to speak another time, when I would calm down. In this conversation with the house-mother there were no words, not at all! But there was lots of good feeling. It made me very attached to her. We met in the afternoon in the park and I told her my story.

I won't tire you, but she helped me loads. I received self-confidence and combined beautifully into the new and wonderful group at the seminar. The girls accepted me, loved me and tried their best. (Even those who at first didn't really, it doesn't matter, I understand it was difficult for them at the beginning). That's how I received self-confidence; I became a new person.

And then I decided to go for an interview in an advertising company which a friend had suggested to me. I arrived to the office and the secretary said to me that the boss himself will interview me. I was petrified. That's all I need now… I had heard that he was very strict. I entered the room, trembling, and sat down. He asked my name. Silence… "What's your name young lady?" Silence. "Excuse me?!" "Noa…", I managed to get out with difficulty. "Where did you learn?". Silence. "Did you learn in a private course?". Silence. He looked at me in compassion and only then I answered, "Privately". I was quiet for a bit, then I said, "I completed high school and…" I was quiet once again. "And… after that… I learned in a private course… graphics".

I could already see the confusion and the sentence that was printed on his forehead, "Come on, let's finish this nightmare and also expel the person who brought me this creature".

The interview was longer than usual. At least on the outside he put on a show, although his face already expressed the negative result.

He finished asking the questions then said to me, "Tomorrow at 8.00 you're coming to work here". I was shocked, I didn't believe it. I stood up with tears in my eyes. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. I wanted to thank him but I didn't manage to utter a sound. He noticed that I was trying to say something. He kept silent and looked at me for a long time, and instead of words coming out my mouth, tears came out my eyes. I saw that he was also very emotional and had tears in his eyes. I went outside crying and the secretary said, "It doesn't matter, lot's of people tried and didn't mange". She thought I was crying because I hadn't been accepted.

At the same time she got a phone call from the boss who told her, "Arrange the matters with the young lady, she's started to work here tomorrow". She looked at me in amazement and said," Really? What a nice surprise; they've never accepted anyone so quickly".

She was very pleasant and patient. She took down the details and I started working there. They are very patient with me and they do it wholeheartedly. Somehow I understood that Hashem had heard my prayers and accepted my tears.

The seminar and the work changed my life from one extreme to the other. I have a reason to get up in the morning, to continue the evening in spiritual enjoyment into the night and go to sleep with great satisfaction.

Thanks to you, to all of you, the house-mother, and the wonderful friends.

Whoever worked out who I am, then…

Love to all
Noa (fabricated name)